Hey, hunayys! So last week on IG, I asked y’all a question that really had me thinking: “If you could give your 13 year old self advice, what would it be?!” And your responses were literally giving me life because even though we’ve all come from different backgrounds, so many of us went through similar struggles.
Middle school, man… a crazy awkward time that I think most of us would rather forget, HA! T’was brutal AF but also def the experience that changed me forever. When I say brutal, I mean, there were days where I would think to myself, “how life would be easier if I just had a different name, different identity…”
Mother nature hit me in 5th grade, so by the time I entered middle school, ya girl had hips and breasts, thicc thighs, the whole nine. At first I was excited because I was becoming a woman!! But my eager ass was surely surprised when I arrived to school feeling like a freak, why was I the only who hit puberty?! This is when what felt like a living hell, ensued. Rumors spread quickly that I lost it, where at and with who. These stories were elaborate y’all. I was even “pregnant” a few times according to these people, at freaking age 11 because of my wider hips! LIKE WHAT?! At first, I just tried to keep my head down and try not to let it get to me. But over time, I was cornered at my locker, followed home, pranked called non-stop, and called out for my clothing choices on a daily basis! I remember one day specifically, I was wearing a skirt that my mom and I went shopping together for and as I sat down in the cafeteria, this girl stood up and yelled at me, “so you think you can just walk around here with those big ass hips, wearing that skirt? You must really think you’re hot shit. Come here and show us all how “hot” you really are!” And obviously humiliation ensued. I felt so damn small. Like these hips were out of my control, like I get it, they developed outta the woodworks HAHA but like leave Britney alone!! As shook as I was in that moment, I had to wonder? When will this hell end? I fucking hated it here. I hated my body for doing this to me! Why couldn’t it just stay the same as it was before. It was bringing so much unwanted attention, ugh! If I tried to dress modest, I got sh*t! If I dressed just like the other girls in my classes, I was then somehow promiscuous. Like I could never win!! There were so many days I would eat lunch in a teacher’s classroom, or the bathroom just to limit the amount of walking around campus. In desperation,
I finally decided to ask my parents, “why do I look so different than all of the other girls in school?” With much disappointment, they advised that I only had one option here: embrace my body, period. And I remember thinking, “but how can I, when literally it has been the cause of all this bullshit I’m going through?!” But before I could even verbalize that, they continued…
Because if I didn’t, I would spend my entire life, hating a body that did absolutely nothing wrong to me. And in fact, where I went wrong, was allowing all this time to go by without standing my ground. After a real “aha” moment with myself, I finally made the decision to take my power back. I WILL flaunt what I was given, like how dare I ever hide all that I was to make others comfortable?
That conversation forever changed my life.
I realized that if I did not accept, own, and defend who I really was, then I’d be leaving room for other’s to make that decision for me.
I may have continued to be picked apart because of my appearance, my extra ass personality, and everything in between but what guess? I no longer shamed myself for any of it! I would occasionally still eat lunch alone, but honestly, that didn’t bother me much; my lonely ass would happily eat my food in peace. But the thing I noticed about these people, is that they were bothered that I was no longer cracking.
And that was the sweetest victory. Self-love is taking your power back! For the years following, I always made sure to remind myself about that 7th grade conversation. From 8th grade on, I was untouchable! The human spirit in strong AF! I truly believe if you learn how to be secure in who you are, no rumor, no shitty person, no event will shake you!
I am so thankful for those people, b/c of them, I discovered the necessity of self-love and hellllurrr, they paved the way for a body posi queen! Now, as I’m inching closer to my 30’s, holy sh*t, I am so damn proud of the woman I have become. I love my “big ass hips,” I love my curves, and I love my cellulite, b/c you know what? That’s what makes Jasmin, Jasmin.
Looking back, I cry for my 11-13 year-old self. I cry for the girl who looked at her curves with tears in her eyes and desperately prayed for another body. The girl who felt like a freak.
If only I could tell her, that all this BS is temporary. You will freaking flourish to a woman so sure of herself that no one can break! Just hold on a little longer boo, because your time will come! Just note, these people will always find something to talk about, hate does not discriminate! So, have freaking grit, and always remember that beauty shines from within. If you learn to love yourself now, you will live a powerful f*cking life!
So much love to all my girls who went through some ish to get to where we are now! What I’ve learned is that these trolls, these mean girls, these bitter souls will always be around, for the rest of our lives… BUT if we remember who TF we are, we will always win! Xo